You pointed out fears in regards to the awkwardness of really resting aided by the man, and worries about being a ‘dud’. Forget about this. In my opinion, and also this is irrespective of sex, things have a tendency to just work themselves out fine whenever both folks are excited and involved with it. Enthusiasm alone will be worth significantly more than a perfect strategy. Put in a small interaction into it, and you also’re golden. Therefore just be sure for it, okay? posted by amelioration at 10:50 AM on May 30, 2009 that you wait ’til you’re all excited

Seconding, thirding and n-thing: be upfront with this, that might maybe not (or might, based on him) be described as a deal that is big. Bonus: he is the man that is first tickled your interest. Huge ego boost! Drawback: talking as an etero guy, now he’s got 200% regarding the competition you, that might result in a bit that is little of on their part about your relationship.

A lot of men have actually dreams about girl-girl-boy threesomes. Simply a thought to help keep when you look at the straight straight back associated with the mind. See above paragraph on competition for drawbacks and just why he is unlikely planning to ask to ‘bring a friend’. YMMV.

Most useful of luck! published by _dario at 10:55 have always been on might 30, 2009

I am where you stand too. We are still together. Nthing talk to him about this before such a thing occurs, also it may additionally be useful to acknowledge that possibly it will you need to be embarrassing (or awkward the initial time/first few) and that doesn’t must be a bad experience, particularly if you can keep in touch with one another about any of it.

It form of noises, as other commenters have actually stated, that the concern of identification can also be going swimming – you realize, “Am I ‘bi’ now, or what?” For me personally, really, it had been a tremendously hard concern, despite the fact that at that time, I felt want it should never seem like such an issue. In retrospect, If only I’d accepted it was quite difficult for me personally. Dating a man tossed down lots of a few ideas I’d about myself and in addition it cut me faraway from a feeling of being element of a queer community, and I also think this might be a typical feeling, in spite of how highly one thinks (if certainly one does) that sex does not figure out identification.

Ultimately, we made my comfort along with it. It aided to own more conversations them was in a lesbian support group, and at one point all of them were dating guys about it with my friends, and learn, for example, that one of! It don’t change anything basic in them, in addition they did not need to use any terms they did not desire to. They might feel nonetheless they desired about whomever they desired. This did not ensure it is any less awkward to re-think whom these people were, however. But whether or perhaps not you stick with this person, I bet this is an appealing minute that you experienced, the one that offers you some insights you want to live into yourself and your surroundings and how. published by thesmallmachine at 12:11 PM may 30, 2009

If it can help, you aren’t the very first individual to have this situation that is unusual. It is best simply to be as honest and upfront together with your partner.

Good fortune! published by lyndhurst at 12:12 PM may 30, 2009

snugglebunny: “And what exactly is a person who identifies as a lesbian doing dating some guy anyhow? I believe you are setting your self and him up for a great deal of difficulty.”

Um snugglebunny, are you currently severe? I did not understand that when you checked the “gay” package you had beenn’t permitted to date anybody of this contrary intercourse. The OP did not sign some type saying “I’m a lesbian and certainly will never ever touch some guy once more.” Sheesh! Although we have a tendency to love to label sex (and sex) in good, neat, check-able bins, the simple facts are that it is *not* that facile.

OP, this might be understandably tossing you by way of a cycle, partly as it’s messing with your personal self-identity. Which is normal. And you also’re frightened as you have not been with some guy in a little while. That is additionally normal. But do not *ever* allow anyone tell you you “should never” be doing one thing simply you should be because it doesn’t fit with their idea of how. published by radioamy at 12:21 PM may 30, 2009 [4 favorites]

I’m a guy that is straight and, not so long ago, I happened to be dating a lady who recognized as a lesbian. maybe maybe not bi, a lesbian. it had been a good relationship. we lasted for 5 years so we’re nevertheless extremely good friends.

and she arrived on the scene of it by what katherineg called her “lesbian street cred” intact. in my opinion (that will be, admittedly, restricted), that kind of reasoning about sex and sex just isn’t a great deal the way in which things are done any longer. It’s interesting, for example, that this presssing problem did not allow it to be into the concern at all. and i love what thesmalmachine and radioamy have actually to state, therefore I’ll keep it at that.

so when you stated you don’t wish to be a ‘dud,’ i did not think you had performance that is sexual brain; I was thinking you suggested you did not want a relationship to lose their freshness with this man therefore immediately after the final one. published by spindle at 12:35 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

In reality he probably will not care anyway. Considering just just how much lesbian porn guys view, he could extremely very well be more into you as a result of it. published by Ookseer at 12:51 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Telling him “I’m a really lesbian” (your terms) will be equal to telling him, “I’m perhaps perhaps not attracted to you.” If you are drawn to him and desire to date him, you are not a lesbian. You are bisexual. Just how can you simply tell him this? Think about: “I’m bisexual.”

Just how do you make sure he understands you’ve just dated girls in past times? What about: “I’ve just dated girls in past times.” Or “I’m bisexual, but we have a tendency to choose girls/women.” You should not justify this choice. Either he will have trouble he won’t with it or. In either case, you are going to both be much better down continue with honesty and openness. published by Jaltcoh at 12:54 PM may 30, 2009